three words: i give head
three words: not that well
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My bed is full of blood and feathers
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Please don't give away my fajitas
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
