I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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