I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
