Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
