So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
