I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think your dad took our porno
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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