I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
