just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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