nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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