I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
