just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
