I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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