her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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