I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
