The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
