i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
