When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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