Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I have aggressive nipples.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
