Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
