so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
