I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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