we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
