You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
