i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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