apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
