you didnt know i had herpes?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
