Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
