East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
did i walk over a car last night?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
