You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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