so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
