Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just gargled with NyQuil
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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