I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
