I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
