What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
