i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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