Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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