sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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