The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
