Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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