I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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