My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
