I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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