When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
