Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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