If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
