you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
