so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
