I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
