i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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