I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
