I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
They have beer where we have blood.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
