Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
